Love and the Deadbeat Boss, Part I: Of Love and Floods

Special 20th Anniversary Repost The thing most midwesterners would remember about the summer of 1993 is The Great Flood.  The Mississippi and Missouri rivers had lay waste their basins to extremes unseen for generations. St. Louis area tributaries such as the Meramec River, Kayser Creek and the River des Peres, had been only momentarily contained […]

Why Drunks Shouldn’t Operate Time Machines

The following is a phone conversation between my wife and her “overindulged” sister on April 8 – the date being an important element of the story. Imagine hearing the voice of somebody possessing the general disposition of your garden-variety bag lady who smokes three packs of Pall Malls per day on the other end of […]

Lessons from a Gym Bag in an Airport

Things are often revealed in time . . . .             One year my wife gave me a gym bag for my birthday. Though it was hard parting with the one I had owned previously — a promotional extra from the Flying Pig Marathon —  our cat pissing in it helped convince me to abandon my comfortable […]

The Metal Years

For better or worse, the 80’s made me what I am today. The hard knocks I experienced during this Aqua Net encrusted decade turned me from an insecure, suburban misfit with very few prospects into the self-starting, problem-solving leader I am today.

The Tea Party Ruse

“He said we couldn’t do any more activities for the rest of the year. And he kept coming back all day long and screaming at her,” Bernie shrieked.

Celebrating 100 Facebook Friends

At once, we can share highly personal information with strangers on different continents while at the same time become increasingly alienated from those who live on the very same street.

The Great Obituary Hoax

Being a journalism major, I was pleased with my newswriting course because it was the only class I had up to that point that had anything to do with journalism. Like most college students, I had been forced to muddle through years of general ed courses before being afforded the privilege of studying what it […]

The Christmas of the Offending Diamond

Felicia’s inner conflict was readily observable and somewhat charming as she attempted to conceal the ring from her family. It was apparent that removing it simply wasn’t an option. I wondered how long she could continue going about her business, like an amputee, without the use of her left hand.

Cheech and Chong Go Painting: The Infamous Toluene Blunder

I noticed that the trees in my backyard were “breathing” as the wind tossed their slender limbs about. All the sounds of the neighborhood – the flutter of birds’ wings, the distant drone of lawnmowers, the clamor of children playing in nearby yards – took on a hollow, tremolo quality. And stranger yet, the neighbor’s dog was laughing at me. “Can this stuff make you hallucinate?” I asked.

Three Years Later: Too Old, Too Fat and Too Full of Shit

The long-awaited 50th post 10/10/10: I woke up this morning feeling too old, too fat and too full of shit (as the result of poor eating) to participate in the small-scale, 4-mile run at my daughter’s school. I took a pass, electing instead to spend the bulk of the day in front of the tube watching […]